1 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,603 ? It seems today that all you see ? 2 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:07,873 ? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ? 3 00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:11,477 ? But where are those good old-fashioned values ? 4 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,480 ? On which we used to rely? ? 5 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,983 ? Lucky there's a family guy ? 6 00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:21,253 ? Lucky there's a man who positively can do ? 7 00:00:21,288 --> 00:00:22,855 ? All the things that make us ? 8 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,256 ? Laugh and cry ? 9 00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:29,762 ? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ? 10 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:37,503 Welcome to Quahog's 11 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,139 first recreational dispensary. 12 00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,741 Now, as you all know, I was against this. 13 00:00:42,777 --> 00:00:44,243 I fought it tooth. 14 00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:46,712 Maybe I should have also fought it nail. 15 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,380 But that time is gone. 16 00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,183 [cheering, clamoring] 17 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,286 Settle down, there's enough drugs for everybody. 18 00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,455 Wow, Quahog has a lot more white guys 19 00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:58,391 with blond dreadlocks than I thought. 20 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,826 -Mm. -And a fair number of Black ladies 21 00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:02,895 with the blond dreadlocks guys. 22 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,230 Cleveland, what do you think about th- 23 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,899 We don't like to talk about it, Peter. 24 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,100 It's a big problem in our community. 25 00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:10,136 It's just, you should know, in the white community, 26 00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:11,938 these guys are kind of considered, like, 27 00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,072 big-time rascals. 28 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,074 We're aware. It's being handled. 29 00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:16,809 There was just a big Zoom about it. 30 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,778 -Maybe you could, uh- -We're gonna go ahead 31 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,447 and deal with this one in-house. 32 00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,549 How ya doing? 33 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,417 There is a plan. 34 00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:26,885 That's all I need to know. 35 00:01:29,884 --> 00:01:34,961 Is that Cinnamon Toast Crunch in witness protection 36 00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,895 when I'm at breakfast? 37 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,632 Susie and I saw you unloading groceries 38 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:43,102 and wanted to let you know if you need 39 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:45,471 to borrow reusable bags, 40 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,172 I have a bunch. 41 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:50,442 And you know you can't soak cast iron skillets, right? 42 00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,111 It strips the seasoning. 43 00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:54,580 Oh. Mrs. S is throwing haymakers. 44 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:55,914 It's not soaking. 45 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,783 I'm cooking water. 46 00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,588 Oreos. Here we go, baby- 47 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:04,123 Aah! 48 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:05,457 I want Oreos. 49 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:06,493 [crying] 50 00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:09,294 Hey, they're just Oreos, relax. 51 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,163 Besides, they're not for babies. 52 00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:12,699 They're for rewarding good behavior 53 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,333 in developmentally slow adults. 54 00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:15,968 [phone chimes, vibrates] 55 00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:29,248 So then I was like, what if I've also 56 00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:31,884 been the mailman the whole time? 57 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,789 Yeah, you were saying that in the car. 58 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,321 I know, but you didn't respond. 59 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,157 Let's, uh, let's lock these guys up in the cabinet 60 00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:38,208 for a while, huh? 61 00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:39,725 Yeah, I think that'd be best. 62 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,326 [suspenseful music playing] 63 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,573 Bingo. 64 00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:01,480 Oh, baby! Bonus candy. 65 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,950 Mm, not really feeling the sugar rush. 66 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:11,156 I can feel my heartbeat in my eyes. 67 00:03:15,715 --> 00:03:17,797 Good idea, Rupert. 68 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,498 Music will help me relax. 69 00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:20,934 ["Wheels on the Bus" playing on iPad] 70 00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:23,302 Okay, this is good. This is helping. 71 00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:24,970 [man cackles on iPad] 72 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,139 ? The wheels on the bus ? 73 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:29,541 ? Go round and round ? 74 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:32,044 -Why should I be afraid of dying? -Wait, what? 75 00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:33,912 ? With a lunatic ? 76 00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:36,114 ? On the grassy ground ? 77 00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,649 [cackling] 78 00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,118 ? If you hear ? 79 00:03:40,154 --> 00:03:42,254 ? The lunatic's howl ? 80 00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,790 -[howling] -? The wheels on the bus ? 81 00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:48,293 ? May start to growl ? 82 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:52,064 ? The lunatic is in my head ? 83 00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:55,300 ? And very soon we'll all be ? 84 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,435 Dead. 85 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,570 I wonder if this is why Ben and Jerry 86 00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,405 started making ice cream. 87 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:03,976 [indistinct chatter] 88 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,978 Hey, grab your lunches. I know a spot. 89 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,816 I think I may take a gap year. 90 00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,084 You know, hit the road. 91 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,519 There's something I've been searching for 92 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,387 for a while that I need to find. 93 00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,489 Little guy named Stewie Griffin. 94 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,157 Can-can you hear any of this? 95 00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:20,827 I'm not even trying to listen anymore. 96 00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:22,148 I'm thinking about soccer. 97 00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,296 Guys, what are you doing up here? 98 00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:25,597 Big no-no. 99 00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,566 The roof is off limits. 100 00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,637 Stewie, are you high? 101 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:32,705 Yeah, so are you. 102 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:33,706 We're on the roof. 103 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,274 Okay, I heard that. 104 00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,109 That was funny. 105 00:04:38,165 --> 00:04:42,181 [announcer] We now return to a Dateline 106 00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:43,815 with a beloved town dentist. 107 00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:45,784 -He did it. It was him. -[knocking] 108 00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:49,855 Peter, we got a big problem. 109 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:53,158 It appears Stewie was high on pot at school. 110 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,127 Excuse me for one second. 111 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,262 Lois, someone's at the door for you. 112 00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,699 Joe, why-why do you have Stewie? 113 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,902 I'm sorry to tell you this, Lois, but, apparently, 114 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:05,671 -Stewie was high at school. -What?! 115 00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:07,573 It's the worst thing I've seen in my career, 116 00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:09,042 and I've seen four dead bodies. 117 00:05:09,043 --> 00:05:11,077 Though, technically, that was a zip-lining accident 118 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,779 -in Costa Rica. -O-Okay. 119 00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:16,049 Maybe not the best idea having 13-year-olds 120 00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:17,983 -securing those carabiners. -Joe, I- 121 00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,319 You know they wouldn't even let me 122 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,054 bring my own camera on the zip line? 123 00:05:21,055 --> 00:05:22,220 Odd, right? 124 00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:23,523 Well, turns out, they just want 125 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,923 to sell you their photos. 126 00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,391 I'll take it from here, Joe. 127 00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:27,727 Thanks for bringing him home. 128 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,394 This is a serious offense, Lois. 129 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:32,064 I have a court order to remove him from your custody. 130 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,365 What? No. 131 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,533 Please. 132 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:35,834 I'm sorry, Lois. 133 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,170 No! My baby! 134 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:39,604 Please. 135 00:05:39,605 --> 00:05:41,274 Oh, I got to keep Stewie entertained, 136 00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:42,708 so I'm gonna need your iPad. 137 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,376 What? No! 138 00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:46,478 My baby! Please. 139 00:05:50,530 --> 00:05:54,220 Hey, what's gonna happen with Stewie? 140 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,389 Well, he's at the Swansons until I complete 141 00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:58,757 court-ordered online parenting classes. 142 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,159 Throwing this out there- if you want a new baby 143 00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:02,694 in six months, let me know. 144 00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,730 You got to tell me within five months. 145 00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,899 Eh, five and a half, max. 146 00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:14,506 So, Stewie, I know your dad is a pretty funny guy, 147 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:17,776 but I'm kind of the "your dad" around here. 148 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,411 Yeah, Pops doesn't really talk 149 00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:21,113 about being funny, he just is. 150 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,549 Yeah, Stewie, comedy's pretty big in this house, too. 151 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,617 In fact, I recently submitted a packet 152 00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,819 to get into the Capitol Steps. 153 00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,888 Nobody knows what that is, Joe. 154 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:32,325 They're pretty well known in the political satire, 155 00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:33,892 off-center comedy world. 156 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,862 Anybody here know if Tip O'Neill is a generous tipper? 157 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:40,232 [chuckles] I make a bit of hay about that in the packet. 158 00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,701 Tip O'Neill's been dead since 1994. 159 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,269 [phone chimes] 160 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,471 Voicemail from the Capitol Steps. 161 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,373 Hey, Joe, this is Clarkey. 162 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,942 So sorry, but we're gonna pass. 163 00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:52,745 We're looking for someone more off-center, 164 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,846 more skewed, if that makes sense? 165 00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,848 That's what I am! 166 00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:58,785 There's plenty of other comedy groups. 167 00:06:58,786 --> 00:06:59,985 Oh, really? 168 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,920 Like the Capitol freakin' Steps? 169 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,388 -[panting] -What about- 170 00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:05,424 If you say the words "Ocean State Follies," 171 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,758 I swear to God, 172 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:09,661 I'll empty my bag all over the floor. 173 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,066 Meg, please, I really need the laptop. 174 00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:17,203 I'm just about done with my parenting classes 175 00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,804 and then I can get Stewie back. 176 00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:20,773 One sec, I got to finish this mandatory 177 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,241 sexual harassment course today 178 00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,043 or I'm not allowed around the janitors. 179 00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:26,077 [teacher] True or false: it's okay 180 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,880 to slap a man's bottom if he knows you. 181 00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,315 That's got to be true. 182 00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,783 -False. -I'm done. 183 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,084 Thanks, Meg. 184 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,953 This has been so hard for me. 185 00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,656 A mama just can't be separated from her kiddos. 186 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:40,426 Well, I'm off to Denver with the guy from the magic shop. 187 00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,227 Okay, see you at dinner. 188 00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,972 Only if you're in the greater Denver area there, hoss. 189 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:51,103 I'm just gonna give you the "title" of the sketch. 190 00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,305 It's called "The Dan Quayle Spelling Bee." 191 00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,106 The jokes write themselves. 192 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,008 -Do one. -[doorbell rings] 193 00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,611 Here it is. 194 00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,047 I'm done with my parenting class. 195 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,247 Where's my baby? 196 00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,615 I'm happy for you, Lois, 197 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,483 but don't let this happen again. 198 00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:08,620 We ran out of diapers, so he's wearing a Walgreens bag. 199 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,756 Oh, Stewie, I am so happy to have you back. 200 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:15,260 Mama's never gonna let anything like this happen again, okay? 201 00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:16,761 This place is a nightmare. 202 00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:18,531 They don't even have a xylophone on a string 203 00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:20,298 that you can drag behind you. 204 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,270 Well, if nobody's next, I guess I'll just go again. 205 00:08:27,982 --> 00:08:33,412 Now that Stewie's back, we're gonna have some new rules 206 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:34,713 to keep us safe. 207 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,681 First: it is no longer sufficient 208 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,984 for our pet to look after our baby. 209 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,019 Probably... probably the right call. 210 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:43,021 Second: kids' bedroom doors 211 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:44,891 are not allowed to be closed all the way. 212 00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,491 I am happy to do this, 213 00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,393 but I need you to be absolutely sure 214 00:08:48,428 --> 00:08:49,728 you've thought it out. 215 00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:51,630 You don't win this one, Mom. 216 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,465 I'm striking that last rule. 217 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,634 We are gonna start using the buddy system. 218 00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:58,503 If you leave, you go with your buddy. 219 00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,528 You're okay with all these rules, Dad? 220 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,941 Sorry, bud, but I agree with Mom on this stuff. 221 00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:04,644 I learned a lot from the dad's version 222 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,144 of the parenting classes. 223 00:09:08,735 --> 00:09:12,885 [announcer] He took a run at Stefan over there. 224 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,886 And now it's all breaking loose. 225 00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,822 I also do dishes on holidays. 226 00:09:18,699 --> 00:09:23,095 Okay, Stewie, Mom says no more screen time, 227 00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:24,796 so I'm gonna read you a book. 228 00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,197 This one is called 229 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,300 There's a Monster at the End of this Boo- 230 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,768 -Aah! -Aah! 231 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,371 Peter? Stewie? 232 00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,340 W-Where'd you guys go? 233 00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:38,410 Lois, you need to very carefully 234 00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:41,079 remove that book from this room. 235 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,415 Why bring it into the house? 236 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,782 Why take that chance? 237 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,884 Peter, enough. Read to Stewie. 238 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,719 I'm an introvert. I got to recharge. 239 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,354 You know the rules. One of us 240 00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:51,289 has to be with him at all times. 241 00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:53,195 Ugh. I can't live with all these rules. 242 00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:56,227 Why does Meg get to live her best life in Denver? 243 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,663 ? ? 244 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:03,234 Um, Congresswoman Boebert? 245 00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:04,904 Could you please stop touching me there? 246 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:05,955 I'm a woman. 247 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,872 My pants are just bunched up. 248 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:13,078 If I'm going to live under Lois's rule, 249 00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,923 I got to take a little mental escape. 250 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,149 Brian's got to have some loose gummies in here somewhere. 251 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:22,854 Oh, Bri, you beautiful scumbag. 252 00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:25,757 Ooh, sativa. 253 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,892 That means nothing to me or anyone. 254 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,900 Whoa. 255 00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,805 Peter? Where are you? 256 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,591 Relax, I just went to the bathroom. 257 00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:45,777 Relax? Stewie is unattended in front of the TV. 258 00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:47,980 He could easily turn it to something terrible, 259 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,848 like Paramount Plus. 260 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,683 Lois, you got to relax. 261 00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:54,352 What would Dr. Cosby do in this situation? 262 00:10:54,388 --> 00:10:56,521 You put the plop and the drink 263 00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:58,323 go fizz-fizz 264 00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,959 and make her go "sleepidy floppity floo." 265 00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:03,496 Of course. 266 00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:05,430 Thank you, Dr. Cosby. 267 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,736 May I go to the bathroom, Warden? 268 00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:12,805 You just went. 269 00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:15,106 I do different stuff every time. 270 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:20,578 Mmm. This chewy zin is excellent. 271 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,620 It's close to hitting that corner. 272 00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,889 Yeah, it's gonna hit it on the next one. 273 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,493 You can talk? 274 00:11:35,529 --> 00:11:37,695 You can understand me? 275 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:40,198 Oh, I've been waiting a long time to say this. 276 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,499 Here goes. 277 00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:43,835 Please stop buying the cheap baby wipes. 278 00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,036 They tear me up. 279 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,005 Oh, great, your first words 280 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,973 to me are a grocery critique. 281 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,208 Hey, guess what? 282 00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,744 I think "Baby Shark" is a terrible song. 283 00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,479 And Dora sucks. 284 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,082 All right, all right, we've-we've clearly 285 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:57,516 gotten off on the wrong foot here. 286 00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,387 Let's start over. Hi, Stewie Griffin. 287 00:12:04,074 --> 00:12:05,573 I just... 288 00:12:05,609 --> 00:12:07,542 I can't believe you can talk. 289 00:12:07,577 --> 00:12:09,711 Not only can I talk... 290 00:12:09,746 --> 00:12:12,113 ? I am the very model of a modern major general ? 291 00:12:12,114 --> 00:12:14,049 ? I've information vegetable, animal and mineral ? 292 00:12:14,050 --> 00:12:15,517 ? I know the kings of England ? 293 00:12:15,518 --> 00:12:16,552 ? And I quote the fights historical ? 294 00:12:16,553 --> 00:12:17,887 ? From Marathon to Waterloo ? 295 00:12:17,888 --> 00:12:19,988 -? In order categorical. ? -[chuckles] 296 00:12:20,023 --> 00:12:21,890 I love this. 297 00:12:21,925 --> 00:12:23,858 Uh, did Peter do this once? 298 00:12:23,859 --> 00:12:26,162 Eh, he-he mumbled his way through it, but yeah. 299 00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:28,630 I don't understand how we're talking. 300 00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,595 Probably because we're both zonked? 301 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,668 [scoffs] I would never do that in front of my baby. 302 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:36,539 Okay, then tell me something about the Dave Matthews Band. 303 00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:40,074 Carter Beauford is the best drummer of his generatio- 304 00:12:40,110 --> 00:12:42,110 Oh, my God, I am zonked. 305 00:12:42,145 --> 00:12:45,880 So, I, uh, found some gummies in Bri's car and dosed us both. 306 00:12:45,916 --> 00:12:47,115 Are you mad? 307 00:12:47,150 --> 00:12:50,852 Well, I should be, but this is kind of awesome. 308 00:12:50,887 --> 00:12:52,887 I'm talking to my baby. 309 00:12:52,888 --> 00:12:55,291 Honestly, if I were you, I'd do this all the time. 310 00:12:55,292 --> 00:12:56,958 You put up with a lot. 311 00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:58,893 Really? You think so? 312 00:12:58,929 --> 00:13:00,228 I mean, yes, look at Peter. 313 00:13:00,229 --> 00:13:02,465 He treats you like garbage and does zero to help out. 314 00:13:02,466 --> 00:13:04,032 Why do you let him do that? 315 00:13:04,067 --> 00:13:06,267 Oh, you are getting right in there. 316 00:13:06,303 --> 00:13:07,969 It's tough, you know? 317 00:13:07,970 --> 00:13:10,139 You commit to somebody for life when you're, like, 318 00:13:10,140 --> 00:13:12,607 19 and you know nothing. 319 00:13:12,642 --> 00:13:14,275 Damn. Yeah. 320 00:13:14,311 --> 00:13:17,111 And it may be hard to believe, but when he was 19, 321 00:13:17,147 --> 00:13:19,380 Peter was stunning. 322 00:13:19,416 --> 00:13:21,382 I mean, weirdly, I can see it. 323 00:13:21,418 --> 00:13:23,918 Besides, he-he's gonna be dead 324 00:13:23,954 --> 00:13:25,887 in a couple of years anyway, by then, 325 00:13:25,922 --> 00:13:27,956 my trust fund will vest, 326 00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:30,593 and I'm gonna be playing in a whole different league. 327 00:13:30,594 --> 00:13:32,628 Oh, that's good, okay good, you got a plan. 328 00:13:32,629 --> 00:13:34,309 That's-that's cool, that's cool. 329 00:13:34,331 --> 00:13:36,264 ? ? 330 00:13:36,265 --> 00:13:39,168 Hey, what's the story with Chris? 331 00:13:39,169 --> 00:13:40,768 It just doesn't seem like he's- 332 00:13:40,804 --> 00:13:41,903 how do I say this- 333 00:13:41,938 --> 00:13:43,171 thriving, you know? 334 00:13:43,206 --> 00:13:45,073 I fell down an escalator 335 00:13:45,108 --> 00:13:47,108 when I was pregnant with him. 336 00:13:47,143 --> 00:13:49,477 He totally has an escalator-head vibe. 337 00:13:49,513 --> 00:13:51,079 Yeah. [laughs] 338 00:13:51,114 --> 00:13:54,315 We tried to sue the mall, but then the mall just closed. 339 00:13:55,452 --> 00:13:57,118 Remember malls? 340 00:13:58,188 --> 00:14:00,655 You know Brian loves you, right? 341 00:14:00,690 --> 00:14:02,357 Yeah, I know. 342 00:14:02,392 --> 00:14:04,526 No, like, he really loves you. 343 00:14:04,561 --> 00:14:06,361 I know, I know. 344 00:14:06,396 --> 00:14:08,696 I don't quite know how to handle it, 345 00:14:08,732 --> 00:14:11,266 but, oh, he's such a good boy. 346 00:14:11,301 --> 00:14:13,401 And he'll be dead in a couple of years. 347 00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:14,936 [both laughing] 348 00:14:14,971 --> 00:14:17,572 Oh, you-you are one twisted lady. 349 00:14:17,573 --> 00:14:19,341 You should try out for the Capitol Steps. 350 00:14:19,342 --> 00:14:20,508 What's that? 351 00:14:20,509 --> 00:14:22,278 I don't know, it's weird at the Swansons. 352 00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:23,645 Oh, my God. 353 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,813 What if we did an adventure together? 354 00:14:25,814 --> 00:14:28,117 Oh, yes, I know the perfect thing for this vibe. 355 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:31,519 Watch The Big Lebowski at a small theater by a college. 356 00:14:31,555 --> 00:14:33,154 Okay. [laughs] 357 00:14:33,155 --> 00:14:34,390 Do you think I'll like it? 358 00:14:34,391 --> 00:14:35,457 You'll think it's fine. 359 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:36,891 All women think it's fine. 360 00:14:40,997 --> 00:14:43,698 Huh, wouldn't you think John Goodman 361 00:14:43,733 --> 00:14:45,199 would be the Big Lebowski? 362 00:14:45,235 --> 00:14:47,268 Whoa, yeah. Oh, that's good. 363 00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:49,370 I have a million of these thoughts a day. 364 00:14:49,371 --> 00:14:51,740 Who am I supposed to tell 'em to- freakin' Bonnie? 365 00:14:51,741 --> 00:14:53,174 Can I-can I say something? 366 00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:55,777 Bonnie's not pretty enough to be as mean as she is. 367 00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:57,378 Yes! That. 368 00:14:57,414 --> 00:14:58,580 That. 369 00:14:58,615 --> 00:15:00,848 I'm really enjoying being on drugs with you. 370 00:15:00,849 --> 00:15:02,952 I don't know why people say drugs are bad- 371 00:15:02,953 --> 00:15:06,087 Oof. Oh, bad time for Philip Seymour Hoffman to show up. 372 00:15:06,088 --> 00:15:08,824 I can't stop thinking about the girl who sold us the tickets 373 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,059 and then had to run and make the popcorn. 374 00:15:11,094 --> 00:15:13,394 Yeah, and I saw a broom by the popcorn maker, 375 00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:15,964 so you know she's putting on one more hat. 376 00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:19,100 I'm still hungry. 377 00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,268 I'm starving. 378 00:15:20,269 --> 00:15:21,604 We got to go to IHOP, right? 379 00:15:21,605 --> 00:15:22,870 Have to. 380 00:15:22,906 --> 00:15:25,506 Thank you so much. 381 00:15:25,542 --> 00:15:28,543 We had such a nice time. 382 00:15:29,899 --> 00:15:33,282 You know our waitress was the girl 383 00:15:33,283 --> 00:15:34,483 from the movie theater, right? 384 00:15:34,484 --> 00:15:35,850 Yeah, I couldn't look up. 385 00:15:35,851 --> 00:15:37,786 Nobody's rooting for her harder than me, 386 00:15:37,787 --> 00:15:39,955 but you just know she's not getting our order right. 387 00:15:39,956 --> 00:15:41,856 Yeah, just write it down. God. 388 00:15:41,891 --> 00:15:43,358 Okay, real talk. 389 00:15:43,393 --> 00:15:45,259 Sometimes... 390 00:15:45,295 --> 00:15:47,462 I get the feeling that I might love you 391 00:15:47,497 --> 00:15:49,998 more than you love me, which is fine. 392 00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:51,466 You're not wrong. 393 00:15:51,467 --> 00:15:53,302 Honestly, I can't believe I'm saying this, 394 00:15:53,303 --> 00:15:54,936 but there was a time 395 00:15:54,971 --> 00:15:57,005 when I actually wanted to kill you. 396 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,806 What? Wh- 397 00:15:58,842 --> 00:16:00,675 Why would you want to do that? 398 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,610 Maybe because you're such a doormat. 399 00:16:02,611 --> 00:16:04,446 You let everyone walk all over you- 400 00:16:04,447 --> 00:16:06,180 your husband, your kids, Bonnie. 401 00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:09,450 I don't understand why that would make you want to kill me. 402 00:16:09,451 --> 00:16:11,520 Uh, I thought it was because I hated you, 403 00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:13,254 but maybe I just 404 00:16:13,289 --> 00:16:15,323 wanted to put you out of your misery. 405 00:16:15,358 --> 00:16:19,160 I think I wanted to kill you because I came from you. 406 00:16:19,195 --> 00:16:21,262 Whatever is in you 407 00:16:21,297 --> 00:16:23,064 must also be in me. 408 00:16:23,099 --> 00:16:25,333 I wanted to kill the part of myself 409 00:16:25,368 --> 00:16:27,301 that scares me the most. 410 00:16:27,337 --> 00:16:29,437 Whoa... 411 00:16:29,472 --> 00:16:30,972 [chuckles] 412 00:16:31,007 --> 00:16:32,206 You're mad at me. 413 00:16:42,052 --> 00:16:44,952 IHOP must be a rabbit's favorite restaurant, right? 414 00:16:44,988 --> 00:16:46,254 You're... 415 00:16:46,289 --> 00:16:48,523 you're gonna get us kicked out of here. 416 00:16:48,558 --> 00:16:50,158 Thanks for sharing. 417 00:16:50,193 --> 00:16:53,227 That was hard to hear, but it's okay. 418 00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:55,496 I'm your mom and my job 419 00:16:55,532 --> 00:16:57,565 is to love you to the moon and back 420 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,000 no matter what. 421 00:16:59,035 --> 00:17:00,668 Do you feel that? 422 00:17:00,704 --> 00:17:02,403 Yeah. 423 00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:03,738 I do. 424 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,640 Good. Then I'm doing my job 425 00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:07,975 and all you got to do is just be a kid. 426 00:17:09,412 --> 00:17:11,245 We ordered omelets. 427 00:17:11,246 --> 00:17:13,248 No, no, this is-this is good, though, this is good. 428 00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:14,682 Better than what we ded. 429 00:17:14,718 --> 00:17:16,150 Yay. 430 00:17:19,322 --> 00:17:22,256 ? Step on a crack, break your mama's back. ? 431 00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:23,858 Naw, naw, I'm just joking. 432 00:17:23,893 --> 00:17:24,943 I'm not gonna. 433 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,094 No, you can. 434 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:27,495 It's just a silly game. 435 00:17:27,530 --> 00:17:29,097 Okay. 436 00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:30,431 -Oh! -[gasps] 437 00:17:30,432 --> 00:17:31,867 -Oh, God! -Mama! Mama! I'm sorry! 438 00:17:31,868 --> 00:17:33,267 [laughing] 439 00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:34,336 Gotcha. 440 00:17:34,337 --> 00:17:36,037 Mom! Whoa. 441 00:17:36,072 --> 00:17:37,872 Where has this Lois been? 442 00:17:37,907 --> 00:17:39,941 Yeah, I should let her come out more. 443 00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:42,677 I didn't used to be so uptight, you know? 444 00:17:42,712 --> 00:17:44,479 I-I used to be crazy and fun. 445 00:17:44,514 --> 00:17:45,564 Really? 446 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,216 I-I shouldn't be telling you this, 447 00:17:47,217 --> 00:17:49,283 but once, in college- 448 00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,385 [laughs] this is nuts, okay- 449 00:17:51,421 --> 00:17:53,387 well, my friends and I, we stayed up 450 00:17:53,423 --> 00:17:56,157 till 1:00 in the morning playing "Jimmy Crack Corn" 451 00:17:56,192 --> 00:17:58,593 with spoons on the bathroom sinks. 452 00:17:58,628 --> 00:18:00,862 -[laughing] -O-Okay. 453 00:18:00,897 --> 00:18:02,864 Yeah, it was just, like, 454 00:18:02,899 --> 00:18:04,198 really crazy. 455 00:18:05,635 --> 00:18:08,102 Hey, we should get back at Bonnie for how mean 456 00:18:08,138 --> 00:18:09,270 she always is to you. 457 00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,706 Yes. I'll go get spoons. 458 00:18:11,707 --> 00:18:13,242 Do you know "Jimmy Crack Corn"? 459 00:18:13,243 --> 00:18:14,243 I can teach you. [gasps] 460 00:18:14,244 --> 00:18:15,910 We'll sing it so loud. 461 00:18:15,945 --> 00:18:18,012 No, no. Just follow my lead. 462 00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:23,551 Bonnie gives you crap, we give her crap. 463 00:18:23,586 --> 00:18:25,086 Griffin style. 464 00:18:25,121 --> 00:18:26,521 [grunting] 465 00:18:26,556 --> 00:18:28,356 I'm not gonna be able to go. 466 00:18:28,391 --> 00:18:30,424 Mom, I've known you since I was a baby. 467 00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:32,360 You try too hard with everything. 468 00:18:32,395 --> 00:18:33,861 You're wound so tightly. 469 00:18:33,897 --> 00:18:35,096 Just let it go, babe. 470 00:18:35,131 --> 00:18:36,564 -Just let it- -[laughing] 471 00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:38,566 I did it! I just let it go. 472 00:18:38,601 --> 00:18:40,368 Yes, the movie popcorn and IHOP 473 00:18:40,403 --> 00:18:41,903 probably get an assist. 474 00:18:45,074 --> 00:18:46,574 What a night. 475 00:18:46,575 --> 00:18:49,111 We should go on a trip, like to Tuscany or something. 476 00:18:49,112 --> 00:18:51,245 Oh, like an Eat, Pray, Love? 477 00:18:51,281 --> 00:18:54,048 Yeah, like a-like a mom and son "pisghetti" trip. 478 00:18:54,083 --> 00:18:55,650 Want another Oreo? 479 00:18:55,685 --> 00:18:57,819 Ah. [laughs] 480 00:18:57,854 --> 00:19:00,087 Gotcha. 481 00:19:00,123 --> 00:19:03,424 Ah, ah, you remember your Oreo tantrum earlier? 482 00:19:03,459 --> 00:19:06,761 You know, my tantrums are never about the thing they're about. 483 00:19:06,796 --> 00:19:08,429 What do you mean? 484 00:19:08,464 --> 00:19:10,398 It's a generalized lack of control. 485 00:19:10,433 --> 00:19:11,599 I have no autonomy. 486 00:19:11,634 --> 00:19:13,267 I'm on everyone else's schedule. 487 00:19:13,303 --> 00:19:15,436 Stewie, I see you. 488 00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:18,139 I hear you and I feel the same way. 489 00:19:18,174 --> 00:19:20,308 -All adults do. -They do? 490 00:19:20,343 --> 00:19:22,276 I mean, I'm not strapped in a car seat, 491 00:19:22,312 --> 00:19:23,878 but I may as well be. 492 00:19:23,913 --> 00:19:25,413 Every day it's shopping, 493 00:19:25,448 --> 00:19:27,481 chores, cleaning, repeat. 494 00:19:27,517 --> 00:19:29,383 So it's not just me? 495 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:30,818 Thanks, Mom. 496 00:19:30,854 --> 00:19:32,787 Oh, I love you, sweetie. 497 00:19:37,193 --> 00:19:40,328 So you're not gonna kill me, right? 498 00:19:40,363 --> 00:19:42,296 Not anytime soon. 499 00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,335 [Bonnie] Aah! Joe! 500 00:19:47,370 --> 00:19:50,805 Why are there three human poos on our lawn? 501 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,406 [Joe] Two of 'em aren't mine! 502 00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,342 [both laughing] 503 00:20:06,055 --> 00:20:07,955 [yawns] 504 00:20:07,991 --> 00:20:09,590 Why am I on the floor? 505 00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,025 Why are you here? 506 00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:12,927 Why am I in Stewie's room? 507 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,762 I don't remember anything. 508 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:17,365 This is like The Hangover with Justin Bartha. 509 00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:19,001 Yeah, nobody thinks of it like that. 510 00:20:19,002 --> 00:20:20,301 Oh, there you are. 511 00:20:20,336 --> 00:20:23,070 Ah, I have no memory of what happened last night. 512 00:20:23,106 --> 00:20:26,774 Yet I have the strangest feeling that Stewie and I- 513 00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:28,776 we shared something special. 514 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,745 Pancakes, please. 515 00:20:30,780 --> 00:20:33,414 Yes, it's strange, Rupert, but I feel the same way. 516 00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:35,216 Something changed with us. 517 00:20:35,251 --> 00:20:37,485 I think this is a whole new beginning. 518 00:20:38,588 --> 00:20:41,188 Ah-ah-ah, too early, little guy. 519 00:20:41,224 --> 00:20:43,157 [crying] 520 00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:46,093 Oh, my God, what is wrong with you? 521 00:20:46,129 --> 00:20:48,396 It's just Oreos. 522 00:20:48,431 --> 00:20:50,765 [sighs] Well, I guess we'll always have... 523 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,400 whatever last night was. 524 00:20:52,401 --> 00:20:53,936 We're out of your Tom's of Maine 525 00:20:53,937 --> 00:20:55,436 Rough and Dry Baby Wipes. 526 00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:57,138 I'll order more. 527 00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:58,906 I'm gonna kill her. 528 00:20:58,956 --> 00:21:03,506 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0